There is a disturbing rise in the numbers of teenage boys demanding rough sex and choking partners as young as 12, new research revealed.
A recent survey by Dr. Debby Herbenick, known to be one of the foremost researchers on American sexual behavior, questioned 5,000 women anonymously at a ‘major Midwestern university,’ the New York Times reported.
Almost two-thirds of women who responded said they had been choked by a partner during sex – but an even more worryingly statistic emerged: 40 percent were between the ages 12 and 17 the first time choking happened.
During a previous survey, the figure was far fewer at 25 percent (or one in four).
Experts warned that the normalization of rough sex during popular culture, the widespread accessibility of pornography and social media are driving this trend.
A concerning trend shows an increase in teenage boys demanding rough sex, including choking, from partners as young as 12. Porn and popular culture appears to be to blame. Pictured, Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan in the 2015 film Fifty Shades Of Grey
In last year’s single, by Jack Harlow, ‘Lovin On Me’ begins with the lyrics: ‘I’m vanilla baby, I’ll choke you, but I ain’t no killer, baby.’
The survey’s findings corroborate those of another writer and researcher specializing in sexual behavior, Peggy Orenstein, a sexuality researcher and college professor, who notes the rise in the choking phenomenon during sex.
Orenstein states how she was startled in early 2020 when during a Q&A at a high school, a 16-year-old girl came to her asking: ‘How come boys all want to choke you?’
Then in a separate class a 15-year-old boy asked: ‘Why do girls all want to be choked?’
One of the most common forms of rough sex is referred to as ‘choking’, although specifically it is a form of strangulation as it sees pressure being placed on the neck.
Bother Herbenick and Orenstein say strangulation is becoming more widespread.
Autoerotic asphyxia – when someone restricts oxygen to their own brain for the purposes of arousal – isn’t new, with cases documented since the early 17th century.
But, historically, it has been ‘niche’ and an overwhelmingly male pastime.
Peggy Orenstein, a sexuality researcher and college professor has noted the rise in the choking phenomenon during sex
Dr. Debby Herbenick, known to be one of the foremost researchers on American sexual behavior, questioned 5,000 women anonymously. 1 in 4 said they were choked between the ages of 12 and 17
‘Sexual strangulation, nearly always of women in heterosexual pornography, has long been a staple on free sites, those default sources of sex ed for teens. As with anything else, repeat exposure can render the once appalling appealing. It’s not uncommon for behaviors to be normalized in porn, move within a few years to mainstream media, then, in what may become a feedback loop, be adopted in the bedroom or the dorm room,’ Orenstein writes in a piece for the New York Times.
‘Twenty years ago, sexual asphyxiation appears to have been unusual among any demographic. That’s changed radically in a short time, with health consequences that parents, educators, medical professionals, sexual consent advocates and teens themselves urgently need to understand.’
Popular culture appears to have much to answer together with how widely accessible pornography has become, coupled with the influence of social media.
Herbenick recalls how during a 2008 episode of HBO’s ‘Californication,’ the practice of choking was depicted where it was still both unusual and startling.
The trend only accelerated following the release and success of ‘Fifty Shades of Gray’, the booking coming out in 2012 and film three years later.
By 2019, it appeared to have been normalized with a high school girl being choked in the pilot episode of HBO’s ‘Euphoria’ and 2023’s ‘The Idol’.
In last year’s single, by Jack Harlow, ‘Lovin On Me’ begins with the lyrics: ‘I’m vanilla baby, I’ll choke you, but I ain’t no killer, baby.’
Herbenick told the New York Times she is concerned at how widespread rough sex has become among young people and is keen for all parents, teachers and caregivers to be aware of the trend and possible harm it can cause.
In her book, Herbenick describes ‘rough sex’ as a varied group of sex acts including choking, smothering, spanking and slapping.
She noted how during sexual activities between women and men, the woman is nearly always the person on the receiving end of rough sex, and the man is nearly always the person doing the choking or slapping or smothering.
Her research appears to suggested that many young people believe sex is supposed to be rough.
Young men learn about rough sex from pornography, whilst young women pick up on it from social media memes and TikTok. Both sexes also pick up on ideas about rough sex from friends and popular culture including music and TV shows. Pictured Dakota Johnson in 50 Shades of Grey
In another survey from last year the average age at which young people first see pornography, whether on purpose or by accident, is 12 years old.
It means many teenagers are now watching pornography several years before they are ever sexually active with a partner.
The continual bombardment and exposure to rough sex through porn in turn sets up expectations as to how sex is ‘supposed’ to be. The ideas are also not being countered by proper sex education in schools or at home.
Herbenick says that when college students are asked why they participate in rough sex, they generally say because it feels exciting or adventurous.
If they don’t take part, they worry they will be branded as boring or be ‘vanilla shamed’.
She notes how some young men worry they won’t be viewed as masculine if they don’t choke or slap their partner.
Herbenick states that young men learn about rough sex from pornography, while young women pick up on it from social media memes and TikTok.
Both sexes also pick up on ideas about rough sex from friends and popular culture including music and TV shows.
She reassures that they’re not bad people if they’re interested or have tried this – just merely responding to the world around them from popular culture, social media or perhaps after being asked by a partner.
But she wants parents to inform their children of the dangers rough sex can bring – namely that choking and strangulation can cause brain damage and death with no ‘safe’ way to choke anyone.
Those who are being choked find it hard to breathe or speak meaning a person’s ability to give consent or being asked to stop are often not possible.
HBOEuphoriaNew York Times
Read more:
Opinion | The Troubling Trend in Teenage Sex – The New York Times